What an action packed week!
I have lots of thoughts about all that has been happening so I am going to break it down for you!
WOW! What a turn out by so many memorable faces I have seen throughout time!
I have not done a set that long in ages and I felt great about certain songs, not so great about others….LOSIN’ MYSELF had too many background vocals that doubled the lead vocals that I could not “play” as much as I wanted to and in my opinion trying to match the vocals became a bit messy but I promised I would go for it so I did! It was SO fun getting inspired to do MAYBE THIS TIME from Cabaret in the moment but, my fave moment came with LAST DANCE as the finale!
I wanted to pay tribute to DONNA SUMMER but I did not want to pretend that I nor anyone else could EVER deliver that song as well as the original QUEEN who legitimized dance music as an art form for ALL of us!
I got so choked up at the start of it that any tension I was holding throughout the show disappeared and my voice opened up and I hit notes I had not hit in ages….. She was in the HOUSE inspiring : )
I was honored that my CA friends Dayana and Patricia – two VERY classy ladies – were there to support!
Let me start by saying that I felt dizzy and weird this day. Maybe because I was up late wired from performing, maybe because I was relieved this whole thing was ending, maybe because I was invested in Clay like a stage mother….. Maybe a combo of all!
But – Moments before going on I thought I was gonna faint… I was both perplexed and relieved when Mr. Trump did NOT ask me a question in that first segment. Part of me was offended and felt like “Why am I here?” and part of me was like “I have all to do to sit upright right now so….Oh well!”
THEN he asked about Clay and I was thrilled.
I adore Arsenio. Much has been said about him by my dear friend Aubrey and others. And, I understand in their relationship where they are coming from. I base any opinions I have of people on my direct dealings with them. Going back to when I was on his late night show to now, I have had nothing but great times with him and great conversation. Never once did I witness first hand any desire to scheme or manipulate in order to win this competition. Others say they witnessed that and have reacted accordingly.
I WILL say though that I could not join the center stage hug at the end of the show because in that moment my FIERCE LOYALTY to Clay and my HONEST feeling about the outcome took over. The thing that bothered me most….well, two things actually. One – Clay’s party and show showed WAY more attention to detail. TWO – I got fired supposedly because of dollars and cents. I don’t agree that this “game” should be all about money. I never did. But so long as that precedent was set, it struck me as being insanely hypocritical that NOTHING was mentioned about the fact that TEAM CLAY raised over 300k!!! We ALL hustled for him out of his PASSION for the charity that clearly was his baby. It inspired me to raise over 50k…the most I ever raised on the show. His passion for The National Inclusion Project motivated me and inspired me to be SHAMELESS in reaching out to friends like Dick Van Patten and Natural Balance, Donny Deutch, Andy Fickman, Music Sales,,,,,others who wish to remain anonymous but were there for me because they heard the passion in my voice that all stemmed from CLAY’S devotion to this cause.
I do not begrudge anyone success or care about who the “winner” is in the sense that…it means nothing really. But in that moment, just the name being announced moment…I did feel like an injustice had been done.
I think Arsenio will be amazing WHEN he is back on late night TV and whether he won or “lost” he WON just by being back in our living rooms for ANY amount of episodes. This is nothing personal towards Arsenio…. I simply felt that in overall presentation and fundraising Clay was the CLEAR winner!
I also loved that I got to joke about “annoying” Clay during the task though, I risked looking annoying for the good of the result because I CARED
The thing I have learned most from this show is that I DO NOT CARE about public life as much as I thought
I am happy to be home living my life and venture out for shows and meaningful things but get NO satisfaction from seeing myself in tabloids or on TV. NONE! Wild for me to really have that realization!
I feel like “If you build it, they will come” Make the music and the people who are meant to find it will…without fanfare or shameless self promotion. All of that makes me terribly uncomfortable.
You don’t see Tina Turner attending the opening of an envelope, do you? But you WILL go see her in concert!
And…. when I get out of this cycle of press and reality TV and heal and recover and re-find the power and groundedness in my voice that has gotten a bit chipped away at through the process of a very public year….. that is what I will do. Record and perform and act and write and produce… I just want to be creative and do quality work. I found my work and spirit suffer when I spread myself too thin
GIBSON GIRL GALA
WOW! We had the MOST amazing night!
I awoke after the finale feeling vocally fragile but thought “I could either bail on my own event and show up but not sing OR remember this is about GIVING…NOT about showing off or MY ego”
SOOO – Was I the best? NO! Did I see youtube comments about my voice? YES?
I will say…. all praise to the performers that came to support.
Let me start with :
For ALL that people have seen of her, if you were at my event you saw the TRUE Aubrey. She is ALL heart. She KILLED on Wrecking BAll. I mean, HOW she was up for the finale and came in looking fresh as a daisy and sounding SO strong I will never know. I myself was fragile. She most definitely “outsang me” and is in a RIPE place to release music. I would love to support her through writing and producing. She did not make me feel like any shortcomings were noticed or cared about. She took the moment to COMMUNE with me onstage and she is an amazingly present and giving performer. I wish I could have risen to her vocal level in that moment but with all the logistics of the day and event on my shoulders I did the BEST I could, and whatever anyone out there who does not understand that wants to say is fine. I love that Aubrey praised me for simply SHOWING UP and understood where I was at and supported me every step of the way. In the overall scheme of life that is what matters way more than how you hit a note.
OK I don’t do comedy. How scary must it be to KNOW you are going to get up on a stage with nothing but a microphone! That woman gave of HERSELF in the most amazing way! She elevated the energy in the room and help nothing back! To trek out to Long Island while in the midst of prepping her one woman Broadway show and planning her own event which I attended last night and on and on,,,, I am eternally grateful!
I love that Dee has done Broadway and has stretched himself as a business man and all of that. BUT – when he shows up and delivers THAT song, it is THE magical moment that everyone is in awe of bearing witness to! He talked about how “We’re NOT gonna take” the arts being counted out! He delivered the message AND the song with SUCH passion he may as well have done a full length concert! To see my Aunt and Uncle out there rockin’ on the dance floor and everyone in the cast singing backup… it was a MAGICAL moment! He was in the middle of a LONG rehearsal day and ducked out to come do this for me and I am beyond touched!
ROCK AND SOUL
This band donated their time and energy and kept the party going…. INCREDIBLE
Donated the castle – OUTRAGEOUS (again! )
THE CRAZY PITCHES, LYDIA. JENS, DEVON, BUDDY, EDDIE, SKY, GEORGE, DANNY, HEATHER, ELIZABETH, JOURDYN, RON, COLTON… I could go on and on
My niece and her acapella group were better than any GLEE episode I have seen with intricate harmonies…. I am a proud Auntie but objectively can say they ROCKED it! My personal creative team delivered and gave of themselves once again
This newcomer took on my biggest hit as well as her own material and had the greatest brightest essence and the clearest voice to match and delivered like a pro!
I’ve known AJ for sooo many years and he added such a level of class and professionalism to the event! And a personal touch that could not have been any more perfect for this event!
OUR BOARD truly did an awesome job
LASTLY – My MAMA truly put this party together and I was in awe of the elegance and heart that went into it
Also – I attended Lisa’s really fun Q&A at Core Club where Dee, George, Aubrey, and myself answered fun and candid questions about Apprentice. It is what we all wished the finale could have been! REALLY honest answers… Aubrey said the MOST beautiful things about me and how i would not follow the pack on the week I got fired. Hearing her say that out loud meant a lot to me. She also explained that she had mistakenly lumped me in with some of the other cast members by virtue of the fact that I hung out with them and thought I was LIKE them and was scheming and manipulative but then realized the truth.
Lisa is the MOST amazing host and comedienne and I loved her event yesterday! AWESOME way to wrap the whole thing up!
SOOOO – Per doctor’s orders I am NOT singing for the next several weeks. I have not broken a cycle of being sick and needing vocal rest and refuse to do steroids or “whatever it takes” to get on a stage. I am gracefully laying low and working on the writing and producing part of the new album and not re-emerging vocally til I feel HEALTHY and ready! I don’t like delivering less than what I am capable of… So – commentators who agree? No need to reiterate. I KNOW! LOL
OK gang! Thank you for ALL the support as always and hang tight for the new album and hope to see you all soon!